There are many things that caused me pain and grief, but you have heard a lot of those stories. Now it is time to share how I was able to get through my first horrific loss, the loss of my mom. She died when I was twelve and she was 33. There is a song by Gloria Gaynor titled I will survive. This song has resonated with me since it came out in the late 1970’s. There is a lyric that goes like this:
Oh No, not, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
And I’ve got all my love to give and I will survive
I will survive
So how did I survive? I picture the future. When I was 14 my Dad married a person who truly made my life miserable. This was almost worse than losing my mom. My dad let this mean person play my new mom and let her make decisions. The worst decision was sending me to boarding school. My Nana was my protector. I ran away to live with her at 15. My dad or stepmother called me while I was living with her and asked If I planned on coming home. I stated,”No”. Well I always struggled for a family and was lonely living with Nana.
When I returned home. My beautiful bedroom was gone. I had a beautiful room. It was purple pink and orange with a den step up carpeted mattress with three step up levels. It had painted graphs (a Seventies thing) cloth wall paper that matched my bedspread. Okay long description short, my step mother changed my 2 rooms into one with gold carpeting and a quilt. After two months of being home they decided I was going to a therapeutic boarding school. My Nana asked if I wanted to come back to live with her but I said “No”. I just wanted out.
So here I was this preppy girl going to a school for troubled teens. Was I a troubled teen? I hadn’t done drugs, didn’t drink and wasn’t sexually active but I had a rotten home life. Now you are still asking Stacey enough, what got you through. What got me through was knowing that I was in charge of my life when I turned 18. My choices, My life. I was lucky enough to have financial security through my Nana.
I would picture myself going to college, having my own family and knowing my life was mine. I would put scenes in my head as I did tasks, such as making my bed or doodling on paper what my future was. Today, I practice the same thing when I work with students and let them know. Getting through school is their ticket to the future and to picture their future. I graduated one year later than expected because the boarding school wasn’t based on grade levels but on a different level system. Today in the scheme of things it doesn’t matter. I graduated high school and went to college. (I’ll save the college history for another time) . So again as a tool, think of outcomes and manifest what you want . Your future is up to you, your choices and decisions it is all about but knowing when you will be in control and that you will survive.
Spilling The Beans 